Last week I saw the movie Looper! I
am just like an earring-less Margaret Pomeranz who is the best,
except mostly I am just like David because he and I
are both cranky people and we both hold hatred in our cranky hearts for shaky cam. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PLEASE
PUT THE CAMERA DOWN SO I DON’T VOMIT IN THE TOILETS AT THE INDOOROOPILLY EVENT
CINEMAS DURING CLOVERFIELD TOO LATE THAT HAPPENED IN 2008. Anyway, I kind of wish I hated Looper so I could have shouted,
“ugh that movie was a real looper scooper!!!” hahahah you know like ‘pooper
scooper’? hahaha all the funniest jokes are the ones you need to explain in
writing. But no I didn’t hate it; I
thought it was good so thanks a lot moviemaker for ruining my awesome joke. Before you ask, yes I was highly disturbed by
some parts. It is gory, but no that didn’t bother me at all because I’ve seen a
lot of episodes of Embarrassing Bodies. A
lot of other people were a bit disturbed by the face prosthetics used to make Jo-Go look more like Bru-Will but not me because well i suppose i don't give a looper scooper. In my opinion all the focus should strictly be on the weird
colour and shape of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s lips in the diner scene. Granted the scene isn't that long but it really disturbed me mainly because my lips have never been that colour and i'm not sure how to approach the Myer makeup counter and ask the scary lady in the lab coat how to get my lips looking like that. But really the movie should have
been called LIPPER, am I right? No. Besides that, let me be blunt. PLEASE. Emily Blunt is
in it, and gorgeous. So let me be her. All in all you should probably watch it. You don't have to, i'm not your mother! but i AM you from the future and i just want to apologise now for what i'm going to put your body through.
Fun staring comp |
You could be fooled into thinking
this blog is some sort of movie review thing where I review a movie, but you
are wrong! Looper got me
thinking about other combinations of people that could have played young and
old versions of each other or whatever the correct combination of words you
would put there for that to make sense. Therefore this blog is basically just an excuse for me to put
those thinkings (what I call them) onto this white shiny (Microsoft word
document).
MAYA RUDOLPH AND ALIA SHAWWWWMEOWKAT
I can’t even make any jokes here! I
love the people above in underlined! They are hilarious and they do great
things! I even watch Up All Night even though it isn’t that great and now Will
Arnett is really skinny and tanned on it and I’m suspicious of that because he and Amy have just split up
and in case you were wondering I’m on Team Amy not that there are any teams
(but team Amy for life). What I’m saying
is that Maya Rudolph is in Up All Night so I watch it. And OBVIOUSLY you have all seen Arrested
Development so you know how great Alia is.
If you haven’t seen it, what the what?? Stop looking at these words and
off you toddle immediately you dum dum! Did you like how condescending I was, I am practicing to fit in
with the rest of the internet! HEY IN OTHER NEWS HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW MUCH THOSE TWO PEOPLE I
PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED LOOK ALIKE THEY COULD PLAY SISTERS OR EVEN A PERSON WHO
HAS COME BACK IN TIME OR SOME SHIT AND ESCAPED THE BLUNDERBUSS OR WHATNOT?
Which is which? |
Are you SHAW? KAT? |
p.s if you combine their names you get 'Maya Kat' which is a dead on impression of my impression of a stereotypical Spaghetti Italian Mama saying 'my cat' this p.s is just for your records/my biography
TAYLOR SWIFT AND HEATHER
LOCKLEAR
If you know me (which each and
every one of you do deep in your heart), you know I don’t actually have any
Taylor Swift music on my iPod but for some reason I have a compulsion to defend
her to anyone and everyone. But
seriously she writes her own songs which is unusual and they are catchy country
pop tunes I think she is really talented!!!!!!!!!! Heather Locklear on the other hand writes
none of her own songs and her songs are neither catchy nor pop songs nor songs
nor do I think she’s tried to sing nor do I recall seeing her do anything since
Melrose Place 1999. In fact, I don’t
really know what’s going on with HL these days besides I think she is mainly
known for driving erratically and calling 911? Wait! I just went to educate
myself on the Locklear and I’ve learnt she is meant to be in Scary Movie FIVE
in 2013 so that is encouraging because it’s sure to be an instant classic and i can't believe i have to wait until next year! It is immediately going on my list of 'events i hope i don't die before' under the final episodes of Breaking Bad and i guess some family shit. Anyway on the very small chance that is a dud, HL should be reassured that one day
she can come back from the past/future/Narnia/Hogwarts whatever and sit at a
table with Taylor Swift and do whatever happens in that movie except with the
added storyline of their past/future selves WRITING THEIR OWN MUSIC AND BEING YOUNG
AND LOOKING LIKE A BABY DEER/HEATHER LOCKLEAR/HEATHER LOCKDEER AND JUST LEAVE TAYLOR ALONE OKAY.
They are never ever getting back together except in a time travel movie playing the same person |
DONALD TRUMP AND THIS MOP
One day I assume Donald Trump will
pay to have someone make a cool movie starring him, and the casting agents will
search as hard to find his Looper lookalike as Mitt Romney looking for a qualified
woman to work for him. They will go
through every single actor and then every single person in the world before
realising the best solution is this mop.
This mop will win everyone over on set, because it is a real down to
earth mop actor who knows what it is like to do some hard labour, and it will
even learn the names of the set cleaners.
Donald will fight against this mop being in the movie, but audience test
screenings will prove that the mop is more likeable than Donald Trump and so it
will not only be in the movie, but will be a scene stealer. Then it will be
nominated for an Oscar and go on to win that Oscar where it will do a
hilarious ‘pretending to clean the Oscar statue’ bit that will go down in
history as the best joke ever at an Academy Awards, even bigger than when Crash
won Best Picture.
likeable and also cleans |
unlikeable. Do you need to MOP up your tears? BURN NOTICE DONALD |
BLAKE LIVELY AND SIENNA MILLER
I have no idea if these two look
similar or how old they are because they both give me that facial recognition
disorder where it doesn’t matter how many times I see them in a movie or in a picture I literally will never recognise them if I see them again. It has
happened hundreds of times. So i am not putting their pictures here and they
should just play each other or anyone or whatever just bring Emily Blunt back.
LOOPER REVIEW: 5 BLOG STARS FOR MY
OWN BLOG
3 comments:
I will never look at a mop in quite the same way again.
Plus, I like that you defend Taylor, I don't have any of her music on my ipod either but I know an awful lot of her songs off by heart because my daughter Caitlin sings them ALL THE TIME. In fact it was learning to play Taylor Swift songs on her guitar that has been the driving force in turning Cait into a musician, and a songwriter too.
This is like reading 800 tweets in a row it's bizarre and wonderful and I don't really have an opinion about Looper.
Speaking of loopalikes I think JoGo looked more like Kyle chandler. Looper was great so was your blog!
Post a Comment