Monday, January 7, 2013

Everything Old Is Man Again

Hello there everyone! Especially you, you are my special favourite. I am writing this blog under a very wonderful mood spell of no sleep, too much caffeine & being annoyed by the bus trip home i just had and being pre-annoyed at all the future ones that are still left for me to experience until i die. I guess you could call it crazy sad, not to be confused with that Kirsten Dunst movie Crazy Beautiful in which something happened and I can’t remember, obviously it deeply impacted me not to be confused with Deep Impact which was crazy beautiful. Speaking of Kirsten Dunst, she is in an upcoming movie where she plays the wife of Viggo Mortensen, he of hilarious name and intimidating face.  GREAT SEGUE! The best way to insert a segue seamlessly is to shout how great the segue was, just a little tip for you 'writers'.

Anyway, I wanted to bring up the relationship between K-Duns and V-Mort (Voldemort) because i am getting a bit tired of seeing movies where the featured couple is an older actor with a young actress. Obviously i would prefer to see the couple be an actress with another actress, but if that isn't a possibility i would like SOME movies to have couples of similar ages. Of course if the age difference is a major plot point in the movie (and not just slyly referenced), that's fine as i would never deny a filmmaker the right to explore his own sexual and personal fantasies not that i'm speaking about anyone in particular Woody Allen. And of course relationships like that happen in real life, and i have no problem with them for i would never deign to label myself Judge Judy or Judging Amy or any other excellent people who get to Judge for a living.  However, movies are generally meant to be about regular people (who look like celebrities), and in regular marriages amongst us normals, the age difference average is about two years & huge age gaps are quite rare.  In regards to the movie with Lord Voldemort and Torrance, i actually don't know if it is a plot point in the movie but if it isn't my opinion can be summed up by this photo of 30 year old Kirsten and a 54 year old lesbian:

Ellen looks terrible

The most recent movie that has tickled my angry bone (new saying i'm trying out, i think it will catch on) is The Silver Linings Playbook. In this David O. Russell jaunt, the romance is between 38 year old B-Rad Cooper and 22 year old Jennifer Lawrence (sister of Joey Lawrence, not really but that would be great).  Here Lawrence is playing a character from a novel that is at least a decade older than her.  PLEASE do not get me wrong, i think she is wonderful and apparently she fought hard to get the role (just like Katniss fights hard for hunger), but are there really no 30ish year old actresses in the all of Hollywood and beyond that would do the job?  Also, is there any chance that when Jennifer Lawrence is in her thirties she will be starring alongside actors 15 years younger than her? No. Is there a chance she might not get any roles? Yes. Is there a chance she will not be acting any more because she'll be too busy looking after the children we're having together? Of course not, stupid.


If that age-difference isn't enough for you dirty birds, there is an upcoming movie called 'The Third Person'. Not much is known about it, however what IS known is that Liam Neeson and Olivia Wilde play a romantic couple.  I love that scene in Taken when Neeson says "What i do have a very particular set of skills; skills i have acquired over a very long career....BECAUSE I AM SIXTY YEARS OLD" or something similar to that. On the other hand Olivia Wilde is 28.  She's younger than me, and that is truly the part i find the most disgusting.  

Sure Grandpa, i'll tie your shoe

Then you have 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World' starring Steve Carell (50) and Keira Knightley (27), but at least the Carell character and perhaps Carell the person have the good sense to be  a bit weirded out by it.  And after all, Carell has played the romantic lead opposite Tina Fey (42) and Juliette Binoche (48) so he really deserves a chance to play alongside someone beautiful instead of those hideous old witches.


Of course there are plenty of other examples i can think of in movies where this sort of thing takes place, but almost none in the reverse where an older actress is with a young actor and it isn't a plot point and news headlines aren't screaming the word cougar at me twenty-four hours a day until i literally rip my own ears off and throw them at my local newsagent.  Besides the constant older man/younger woman thing there are also plenty of examples where actresses are cast as the MOTHERS of actors even if the actress is younger or of similar age.  In the movie 'Riding in Cars with Boys, Drew Barrymore (37) plays the mother of Adam Garcia (39).  

"Yo Mama so old she could be played by a stunning young Drew Barrymore" SICK BURN

This is an issue not just because obviously it's so dumb that young women are cast in roles they are just not old enough to be playing, but also that actresses who ARE an appropriate age to play the role aren't considered.  Actresses play romantic leads for men of any age until they hit their mid-to-late twenties and then they switch to playing the mothers of those same actors. Any other role is played by Judy Dench or Meryl Streep (who can play anything so it's really fine i take it all back).  I imagine that if Basic Instinct was remade now, the two female leads would be played by Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence and Michael Douglas' part would be played by Michael Douglas. 

So i guess to sum up, all i really want is an overhaul of the entertainment and movie making industries where sometimes romantic relationships are between two beautiful people of the same age, where women are given great roles no matter their age, where older actresses can be seen to be sexy like similar-aged male counterparts, and basically for equality between men and women in all areas in all industries around the world. 

So just get on that, okay thanks. I'LL BE CHECKING ON YOU.

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